Eating Las Vegas
Recession? There’s a recession going on?? There certainly isn’t any evidence of one here in Vegas, where half the strip is under construction for 4 or 5 brand-new über hotels – slash – upscale residences (that of course must dwarf the ridiculously large ones alraedy there) and a giant Tiffany’s. Perhaps it’s not as dense with people as usual, I wouldn’t know, but I can’t imagine them cramming any more into the FOUR STORY M&Ms STORE or onto the 11 acre beach outside (at Mandalay Bay), where with 43 floors and 1117 rooms they still didn’t manage to have one for us when we arrived Friday night (with a reservation) and instead put the three of us in a one-bed room with a cot. (Have I mentioned we’re all in the vicinity of 6 feet tall?) So we had to pack up again and change rooms today, and then our new one wasn’t ready, and while we’re on the subject: you’d think that a $319 a night hotel room might include internet access but no, you have to pay $15 US a day for it, and there’s no option of a free business centre in the lobby. What decade is this? Even the $40-a-night Best Western over by Hooters offers free wireless.
It’s hot, and the beach at the hotel was packed. Every cabana, rented. Coors Light bikini girls playing volleyball. You go through a Disney-esque turnstile to even access the pool and its ammenties (bars, gift shops, casinos).
Vegas is a spectacle. Being here, I’ve decided, is the polar opposite of being in Tofino. Dry, desert heat (39 degrees this weekend-like a blast furnace door opens every time we exit an air conditioned building), astroturf outside, everything in quantity. Being in Vegas evokes the feeling that you’ve somehow been had. (And it does keep coming up – if you go to the Tix place out on the strip, you’ll pay almost half what you would for a show at the box office. And five minutes after paying $120 for four of us to go see the Bodies Exhibition – $30 each – we learned that we all could have gone in for $50 if we listened to some sort of sales pitch.)
Oh, and also? We might starve here. Or at least I might lose a few pounds due to sheer unavailabilty of food outside swanky restaurants (which would be a good thing according to the ultra-slim SCALE they have in the hotel room bathroom, which is called “Slimmer” and which registers me at 8.5 pounds more than I was at home). Who weighs themselves at hotels? There’s no coffee machine (although you can order a pot for the low low price of $13.50), no wine opener, but yes there is a spanking new digital scale, and a sex kit (I’ll leave that up to your imagination) for sale by the mini bar. (Priorities.)
So far I’ve been hemmoraging money. (Starbucks is about 50% more than in Calgary – grande Americano: $4.65. Paltry sandwich: $8.50. Muffin: $3.50. Water: $4.00) Around here, nothing is free – except maybe peep shows – or even cheap. It’s blowing me away that on the strip, which is like being on the Stampede grounds all the time, there are only sit-down restaurants and hardly any options for carry-out. Before going in to see the Bodies exhibit (wow) it was a struggle to locate a small gift store in the Luxor lobby that had something to eat we didn’t need to sit down to order – A & S bought $4 prepackaged sandwiches (those little plastic triangles – and these were the saddest I’ve seen) that were so soggy and slimy, S didn’t even eat hers. I paid $2 for a bag of M&Ms that we shared around.
Notice the outdoor ROLLER COASTER outside the New York New York? Everything is crazy and enormous and plastic here. We’ve had about a dozen Elvis sightings, one Marilyn Monroe, one Michael Jackson, and V saw Santa getting a massage at the Fashion Mall. And there are a lot of boobs. A LOT. I’ve never felt so simultaneously under and over dressed, or more lacking in the cleavage department. I’m surprised synthetic stilletos aren’t issued to us as we come through the arrivals gate.
But we’ve been taking your restaurant recommendations! Last night we arrived starving and upon promptly getting swallowed into the strip, pulled out my printed-out list of your comments and recognized the Bellagio, so we crossed the street (which might earn danger pay if you ever did it for a living) and went into Mon Ami Gabi and sat on the patio, square across from the fountain show. Perfect for the first night in Vegas – thanks Kayla!
We made the mistake of ordering appetizers while still at the bar waiting for our table and then the server told us about the Julie & Julia prix fixe menu, which I totally would have ordered (French onion soup, duck a l’orange, chocolate mousse) – instead I had pork tenderloin with date-glazed thickly cut bacon on an enormous pillow of mashed potatoes. With wine, I’m astounded I made it back to the hotel on foot.
Tonight was the big birthday dinner, and S & D’s husbands sent along their credit cards to cover dinner for the 16 of us. We ate in a private room at Aureole, one of many restaurants in the complex – it was fabulous inside, with a two-storey glass-encased wine cellar – although I don’t understand why Charlie Palmer would name a restaurant after a nipple. I had the theatre menu – rock shrimp cocktail with guacamole, grilled swordfish on ratatouille (look at me, being all healthy!) and – unfortunately – the cheesecake with roasted peaches (which weren’t roasted! that was the selling point!) instead of the chocolate-caramel platter with chocolate gelato that looked stupendous. WHAT WAS I THINKING?? I seem to always be disappointed with cheesecake.
Then we (appropriately) took a stretch Hummer to Freemont Street - old Vegas – to catch the light show (the consensus: lame – girls dressed as firemen doing a sexy dance on the ceiling?) and played 5 cent slots at the Golden Nugget.
By now we all feel like we’ve had enough -we got the gist- a day and a half in Vegas time feels like a week and we could easily (and happily – particularly A, who is sick and has completely lost use of her voice) go home tomorrow, but we have another 48 hours! Perhaps I’ll lounge around the hotel room, take baths in the tub that’s twice the size as mine at home, and post updates here.
September 13 2009 | leftovers | 26 Comments »
