Proud.
So um yeah, I won this award recently (click on it to enlarge), and it’s one I unabashedly admit I fully deserve. I’d like to thank all the little people for making me look so much bigger.
I guess since this is technically a food blog I should at some point address the first-world shift in priority that comes with the new year; the clamouring to high-dive from marathon consumption of fat calories directly into ultra-lean and healthy everything all the time – an often all-or-nothing approach that bans entire food groups and tosses perfectly good chocolate in the garbage in hot pursuit of A BRAND NEW YOU! (One thing I know: if you can’t resist having chocolate around you won’t be successful in the long term – this is a caramel-filled, chocolate-covered world. Another thing I know: you have to be happy with the regular old you first and foremost. Think of a structurally unsound house to which hasty aesthetic improvements have been made – not one you really want to invest and live in, right? I think they may have done a reality show about that.)
At the risk of climbing onto an already overflowing bandwagon which has been blown up to Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade proportions, it seems the combination of limited mobility (due to my previously damaged posterior – yes my bum still hurts) and a nasty cream habit is pushing me once again to reevaluate my grazing pattern in an attempt to make myself a little less bovine.
The 2L tub of MOCHA FUDGE ICE CREAM WITH CHOCOLATE COVERED ALMONDS that my sister bought on a whim and stashed in my freezer because she doesn’t have one yet did not help one bit. And because my freezer has also reached maximum capacity, the overflow is in my barbecue – an advantage to living in a part of Canada where winters dip to -20 and below. (The disadvantage being when a chinook blows in and you suddenly have to use up everything that thawed while sitting out on the back deck.) Also, the neighbours start thinking of me as the crazy lady with the bad hair (the thought of sitting in a stylist’s chair for an hour still makes me cringe – think I could bring in an inflatable swimming tube with Nemos on it?) and flannel pants who comes out onto her back patio about every five minutes with a spoon and dips into something beige stashed in her barbecue.
Welcome to my pity party; if you’re still here, please pull up a chair. I haven’t complained yet about not getting enough sleep – not for any legitimate reason, like breastfeeding twins or waking up early to perform brain surgery or run my 10k – but the dark seems to turn up the panic level in me, and I lie awake worrying about everything from W and everything bad that could possibly happen to him (and is he going to be an only child after all and what will I do when he’s too big to crawl into bed with me anymore and then he grows up and moves away), to knocking on the door of 40 (HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?) to financial security and what the hell I’ve done with my life anyway, and on top of it all being just too rotund for my own comfort. I have no illusions that I don’t fully deserve this; I know I do. I eat too well and too much, and in some ways think I’ve used food as a sort of buffer – a slow-release full-body airbag – from what I’m not sure. Or maybe I do. I used to think fear of success was the most ridiculous concept I had ever heard of, like fear of love or money or ice cream, like the grown-up babysitter I had as a kid who said candy was too sweet (she loved naps too – weirdo), but if I pulled a chair up to Lucy’s Psychiatric Help stand and dropped 5¢ into the jar she’d likely tell me I have a bad case of it. I’d like to trade for arachnophobia, please.
So last night a shiny new worry showed up at my party: the sudden realization that I have to address a sold-out Jack Singer Concert Hall in less than a week – with Anthony Bourdain among the thousands watching and listening – and nothing fits without making me look and feel like I just came out of the Spolumbo’s display case. If you don’t hear from me over the next week it’s because I’m curled up under my bed, breathing into a paper bag. (Epcor organizers: don’t panic. I’ll be there. Probably.)
Right – dinner. I haven’t been keeping you up to date on the menus as of late; Monday night was steak, requested by E to celebrate her tier 1 U-12 soccer team’s gold medal win over the weekend (!) and Ben’s first day at a brand-new school. We grilled them and threw baked potatoes into the oven and made Ichiban salad. For dessert the vote was for Black Forest cake; W and I baked a chocolate cake, found a can of cherry pie filling in my sister’s cupboard to spread between layers, and finally got rid of the last of the whipping cream (good riddance! I miss you) to glob on top. I took a picture but it was out of focus – you’ll have to use your imagination.
And tonight-well there was so much left over we’ll be eating it tomorrow night too; I’ll fill you in then.
One Year Ago: Chicken & Black Bean Quesadillas and Roasted Broccoli with Parmesan
January 06 2010 09:47 pm | leftovers
mamasutra on 06 Jan 2010 at 10:26 pm #
I send you a MWAH which isn’t the same as an award, but I am in a similar boat, looking at the looming 40 on the horizon, fighting food/eating/Lucy’s help desk worthy issues. Sigh.
Anyway, I was driving around last week and heard YOU on the radio, which never happens because I am in the northern half of the province and always get the Edmonton stuff. Yay! Very melodious, and definitely the right voice to introduce old what’s-his-name next week.
Kathryn on 06 Jan 2010 at 10:42 pm #
Well, any sensible person uses the deck as the “big fridge” as we call it in our house! How else do you get through Christmas? I’m too lazy to pull the cover off the BBQ so I put (well wrapped) stuff out next to the recycling bin. Two nights ago I plunked 4L of fresh, hot chicken stock out there, hoping the cats and squirrels wouldn’t bother it. (They didn’t.)
I bought new jeans the week before Christmas. I put them on this morning before taking them for hemming. Waaay too tight! Thank you cheese. I feel badly that you are in the same boat, but with a major public appearance next week! I wouldn’t be sleeping either. Go for a run. Maybe you will wear yourself out so you can sleep and burn a few calories too. Kill two birds with one stone!
As for the hair situation… umm.. maybe use a ‘roid pillow for your posterior? I think you can buy blow-up ones at the drugstore in the medical aides aisle. (Why do I know these things?)
Erica B. on 06 Jan 2010 at 10:57 pm #
Ok I’m half giggling half tearing up!
I can so relate! (ok not about Bourdain though I used to have nightmares about public speaking). About the hair – talk to wherever you go and explain – see if they’ll let you take breaks?
About the bowl-fulla-jelly – I’ve been breaking new years resolutions for years, almost got on track then well we relocated (thats my excuse and I’m sticking to it) Time for a me resolution. Looking in to playschool for J and a gym membership for me.
margo on 06 Jan 2010 at 11:05 pm #
Most of us are in this boat on some level, from the extra pounds to the just-feeling-gross from the excessive excess! I myself at times such as these, occasionally declare a fast… anything from fasting from sugar, to an all-out 24 hour (supper tonight ’til supper tomorrow night) Fast From Food. No Food. This may sound radically horrible, but actually it is so good. It helps break a cycle. It gives our body a much needed rest from the demands of dealing with all that we’ve consumed. Drink water, tea, (that wonderful homemade broth out on the deck!) and take advantage of all the extra time you’ll have not making, eating, thinking about and cleaning up from eating!! Ironically today is Fast Day for me, and I read this post. It is not a quick fix, it is not starvation to lose weight, but it helps one switch gears. I recommend it.
Laurie on 07 Jan 2010 at 12:27 am #
Because of a large extended family who can’t all be at the same place at the same time, we have several Christmases, and the feasting stretches over days. I allowed myself to put on 5 kilos this year, and am delighted that I only went up 3. What’s even better, the day after New Year I spent a day drinking only green tea and not eating anything. The lack of salt on that day meant I lost 2 kilos of water retention. So I am now only 1 kilo above where I was before the first Christmas dinner (how, when I ate so much, and so much of what I ate was fat?)
Margo is right, a day of cleansing gives your system a break and a rest, and enables you to ‘reset.’
You will do fine introducing Anthony Bourdain – you’re charming, witty, intelligent, and attractive. You don’t talk too much, nor do you have an irritating voice. Play to your strengths.
You don’t need to go to the hairdresser to have lovely hair – clean and shiny well brushed blond hair hanging straight and swinging freely as you move is *very* attractive.
Wear something that makes you feel feminine and competent, and it will look lovely on you regardless of whether you think it’s the ‘right look’ or not, because the way you feel translates into how appealing you look.
I wish I could give you a hug.
Sorry about the poor tushy. My broken tail bone hurt for ages. I would not recommend high heels when your tail is still tender.
Mama JJ on 07 Jan 2010 at 3:42 am #
I so much appreciate your vulnerability and dry humor. You’ve just been raised up several notches in my eyes.
bellini valli on 07 Jan 2010 at 7:34 am #
My freezer is full too but the ice I left in bags and other things I thought might survive on my deck all melted here in the valley. Pribably the only time I have been hoping for colder weather!!!
Kathy on 07 Jan 2010 at 7:37 am #
Julie, you are awesome! Thank you for your vulnerability. Your hair will look great, don’t worry! You have awesome clothes and being an MC — a good excuse to go shopping if you need to! Psst…Blu’s is having a up to 80% off sale until Sunday!
In the latest issue of Chatelaine there is a nod to this lady’s blog: http://www.fatnutritionist.com/ an nutritionist who’s tag line is “eating normally is the new black.” I thought of you, because you are a strong proponent of that (vs. weird diets). I am too.
JulieVR on 07 Jan 2010 at 7:41 am #
I actually do have a hair appointment early next week! Which isn’t to say it’ll look great (I’m hairstyling-impaired) but I’ll suffer through the sitting (it’s getting easier) for the sake of fashion!
And you know, the no food for a day (but liquids, right?) isn’t a crazy idea, especially when you’re in the habit of eating altogether way too much. I had to do it a couple times for medical tests – it’s not impossible – when you have to do it you just do it. And when you’re sick it happens.. it does help kind of switch gears but isn’t for long enough to mess you up, you know? if you can swing it!
June on 07 Jan 2010 at 8:09 am #
Tiz’ the post holiday season and you just put into words what 99.9 percent of us are feeling right now. Hang in there – you’ll feel better in February! You’ll be great next week – Anthony Bourdain is a “people” too….just picture him naked – ah maybe NOT.
JulieVR on 07 Jan 2010 at 8:13 am #
It’s not even Anthony I’m nervous about! He’s just the only factor I considered, not the audience of 1800…
Cheryl Arkison on 07 Jan 2010 at 8:26 am #
Girl, you will be great, you know it. If you want to grab a walk this weekend or hit the hills for some sledding – good, old fashioned, fun always helps us – let me know, we’re around.
Personally, today I am on a no-chocolate and no-twitter cleanse. Just for today. Baby steps. But only to remind myself that I can do it. Ruts are so easy to stay stuck in.
Remember that you inspire so many others, that is a true measure of success and it is something to be proud of.
Shaun on 07 Jan 2010 at 8:27 am #
Julie, I read your blog every day, but comment rarely. I don’t just read because you’ve got great recipes; I read because you’re a wonderful writer with a funny, real, honest voice.
You’re right about the starting point: be happy with yourself just the way you are. Simple, and impossibly difficult. But there’s no other way around it.
Break a leg next week!
sarah (syrupandhoney) on 07 Jan 2010 at 8:27 am #
Aw, all I can say is *breathe*…sounds like you have a lot on your plate but I hope writing about it was cathartic! Beautiful post.
Corine on 07 Jan 2010 at 8:44 am #
Julie, you are hilarious. Where do you come up with these things? If this food thing doesn’t work out, you could always do standup!!
Rachael on 07 Jan 2010 at 8:48 am #
Dear Julie,
I have followed your blog and other venture for almost two years now! I do so for two reasons: 1) I love, love food, but 2) and more importantly, I really love your perspective, humour and your take on life. I think you are an amazingly talented woman. I can totally relate to the fear of success thing – as I step into my own career, which is sadly unrelated to food and eating, I am quaking(sp?) in my boots!
Like others have said….breath, focus and know that you can face all those people. Alternatively, you could imagine the audience naked – just a thought. Break a leg!
Thank you again for keeping the blog going and for an excellent year in food, to come.
Manon From Ontario on 07 Jan 2010 at 8:52 am #
Julie, break a leg, but knowing you, you will be amazing.
You make me laugh, you see we use our attached 3 season gazebo for whatever doesn’t fit in the freezer too, must be a Canadian thing! You see on Dec 31st, I had people over for dinner, well I had a cooler with ice in the gazebo so I could put the beer and cold drinks in it at the door for the evening, thankfully it wasn’t too cold so nothing froze.
Why is food soooooooo good, can someone tell me? I’m back on program this week, moving my butt lots, but this takes up all of my free time, man losing weight is more like a career!
Anyways, love you and your blog Julie
MFO
Anonymous on 07 Jan 2010 at 8:54 am #
All us blog readers can’t be wrong – you really are an amazing person: full of humanity and humour and common sense and vitality and passion.
You’ll do so well. You ARE doing so well! Nobody I know actually has every compartment of their lives in order, and if they do they only think they do, and are therefore irritating and delusional. I think you come a lot closer to achieving the full package than most people.
As for middle of the night worry, I’ve made myself a deal that I’m free to worry about everything from boys to bears to cars to illness to growing up once I’m awake and with the day, but NOT during the night. I’m way too irrational in the middle of the night to think anything sensible, and I’ve finally realized it. So much time and sleep I’ve wasted!
sue.d on 07 Jan 2010 at 8:54 am #
sorry, last post was me.
Theresa on 07 Jan 2010 at 9:12 am #
I can relate so well to what you said Julie (except of course for the tall part
)
You will have so much fun when Anthony arrives you will forget all about the garbage in your head right now. You’re beautiful right to the core, so enjoy it, embrace it.
I think you should have someone choose your clothes for you. Take them shopping, let them tell you what looks good….. even if shopping means in your own closet! I know I can’t see what reflects in the mirror, I only see the tapes that run in my head. It’s why I can’t even choose the right size shirt to try on!
rea on 07 Jan 2010 at 9:52 am #
“Life has a practice of living you, if you don’t live it.”
Philip Larkin
brandy on 07 Jan 2010 at 10:14 am #
I’m like others – I read your blog daily but rarely comment. I worry that you’re too hard on yourself! You are an amazing person and you will be knock the socks off everyone who attends the Anthony Bourdain event…
If you can, what about getting your hair styled the day of the event… It shouldn’t cost too much and will make a big difference in how you feel. Also, what about a trip to Ricki’s clothing store (Market Mall is my fave location).. I find they have really nice clothes for those of us that are not a size 2… Get something brightly coloured like pink, purple or blue… some nice earrings and necklace and you’ll feel like a million bucks! Good luck!!
Sue (London, ON) on 07 Jan 2010 at 10:29 am #
Aw Julie, you are so good at putting into words what most of us are feeling. Thats why we all love you. If you weren’t nervous, I’d worry more. You’ll be awesome. Its always the anticipation of these things that is worse than the actual event. I would bet you’ll be absolutely fine when the time comes.
We can’t wait to hear about it.
I too lay awake and worry. What I know now is that when I wake up, it will not seem nearly as serious as it does at 3AM and that sometimes helps me to get back to sleep.
GOOD LUCK!! We’re with you!!
ilovealbertabeets on 07 Jan 2010 at 10:46 am #
How have I grown up here and never heard of using the bbq as a secondary freezer?? Look out, there’s a chinook coming tomorrow
I am with the general consensus that you should grab the credit card and go get something hawt for your successful bourdain-hosting self.
Kelley on 07 Jan 2010 at 11:52 am #
Hi Julie. I agree with everyone else…you are being too hard on yourself.
True story…I found your blog about a year and a half ago, when I was completely depressed with not having been able to lose all of my pregnancy weight (even after 3 years) and decided I needed to start cooking with more whole grains and vegetables that I otherwise might not use. I’m not creative at all, can’t cook without recipes, and needed someone to inspire me and provide interesting recipes. I’ve pretty much been a daily visitor to your site since I found it and the introduction of quinoa, swiss chard, sweet potatoes and butternut squash in our house can pretty much be credited to you (I’m not exaggerating). Your lentil, sweet potatoe, chard curry is sometimes a weekly meal in our house. I should have thanked you ages ago, but public gushing by a stranger can so easily come off stalkerish
Anyway, this is just to let you know that you have been a big inspiration/part of the changes that I made and I’m also rooting for you to get back to where you want to be.
Vivian on 07 Jan 2010 at 12:10 pm #
Hey Julie, I won’t repeat what all the other dear readers have said about your lovely being, I whole-heartedly concur. As to your gig with Anthony, fly high with it; all “those people” are there because they love food and you and Anthony, not to assess your shape, hair or clothes. “Unborn tomorrow and dead yesterday, why worry if today be sweet?” or something like that(one of my Mom’s favorite sayings).
erin on 07 Jan 2010 at 12:19 pm #
Julie,
You will look great and be awesome!!
I can’t wait to hear all about it!
Rose on 07 Jan 2010 at 1:21 pm #
Hi Julie, The nightime worries are awful. I too, fret and ‘create’ scenarios that get me more worried. Re the weight and other issues I think I’ve learned over the years with battling weight, worries, and watching friends do the same, that some of us have to be more selfish. Not in the negative way that you might jump to thinking, but in a way that puts ourselves and our families first. I’ve known many who are overweight (including myself) that are so ‘nice’ always making others happy, worrying about what others are thinking or doing or saying (about us perhaps). I’ve seen a connection with that to being overweight. I get now, that by being that way I’m really saying they’re all more important than me. Since changing my focus I have successfully lost weight and have kept it off. It’s a mind shift to almost ‘minding my own business’ and not trying to ‘fix’ every situation or relationship.
Don’t know if it’ll make sense to you but its been good for me. Thanks for your great blog and recipes that are my first ‘go to’ even before epicurious!!
Rose
Natalie on 07 Jan 2010 at 1:48 pm #
After Christmas blues are hard…. All the bling and festive ornamentation become like a 75% off table at the mall full of after holiday specials….sometimes I feel like that …. appeal is gone…. But know you are loved and you will do great!
Donna on 07 Jan 2010 at 5:07 pm #
January blues and February blahs.
Everything looks worse this week after coming down from the high of cooking, parties, holidays etc.
The mess looks worse, the printer is starting to sound funny, the students are hard to get out of bed, and it is still too cold and snowy. On top of all that you’ve got an injury and speaking engagement. You are doing wonderfully – give yourself a pat on the back. Things will look better soon. Wear what you feel comfortable in. They asked you to speak because of your sparkling personality and witty conversation. All the rest is window dressing.
I wise person once said that the key to weight loss was sensible eating and increasing exercise.(I think it was you)
Dinner In Real Time on 07 Jan 2010 at 5:32 pm #
We are often our worst critics. You have MUCH to be proud of and I only know of your great writing (here in the States we can’t hear you on the radio or see you on TV). I’ve done some public speaking and TV work and have always found TV more nerve wracking. If you can do that you can easily appear on stage.
And you get to meet Anthony! Bourdain! The fact you were asked to introduce him is a testament to you.
lovetocook on 07 Jan 2010 at 6:49 pm #
I hope it’s comforting to know we all worry about the same things, no matter how old/successful we are, no matter how old/successful our children are. Anthony Bourdain might wonder about what he’s done with his life! When you open your mouth your audience will be riveted, hairdo and dress will not matter. We’re all behind you girl.
Jess on 07 Jan 2010 at 8:25 pm #
Oh, Julie. I wish I could just reach through the screen and hug you. Even when you’re feeling not-so-great, you still manage to put a smile on my face. And about this Anthony Bourdain thing – you’re going to knock ‘em dead, pretty lady.
Shobha on 07 Jan 2010 at 10:05 pm #
I wish I could hug you too! Enjoy your haircut and treat yourself to a cute new outfit. Get some snazzy jewellery and be proud of who you are. Think of it, you are introducing Anthony Bourdain…. you Julie Van Rosendaal! That’s pretty cool. Most people can’t even get tickets! Make sure your outfit makes you feel confident and feels really good. Anything that is too tight or pulls would stress me out and add to more anxiety! I read your blog all the time and I appreciate what you have to share! You are going to do great.
Robyn in Mountain (Ontario that is) on 08 Jan 2010 at 7:52 am #
Ha! You are too much!! I hear you, girlfriend — the poundage, the hair, the clothes. But hey, that’s life. We women are way too hard on ourselves. Julie, you are gorgeous! And have tea all day if you must, but just watching the carbs will be fine — now for me to practice what I preach
I sympathize with the trip to the hair salon. After about five years of an annual style, I am back to having my husband trim the ends, so much more enjoyable and less time consuming. Although sometimes it is a necessity, just ask them to do a trim. Wish I could be in the audience for your next big gig. You’ll be wonderful as always! Don’t forget to load up on some Vitamin D, not only will it keep a cold away, but it will help with SAD too. Cheers!
Robyn in Mountain (Ontario that is) on 08 Jan 2010 at 8:56 am #
P.S. I think the those looming big birthdays hit all of us. But, once they are over and done with, we somehow just move on. 40 was a toughie for me, and now 46 is coming next month on the 14th — I shudder to think :-0 On the 15th of February it will be business as usual, but until then . . .
Hang in there Julie, your son will keep you forever young!
Cathy D on 08 Jan 2010 at 10:48 am #
Oh Julie. You do make me smile. I totally hear what you are saying. Gah, too bad we can’t turn off that little voice inside our heads. Or at least tell it to take a hike and find a replacement that is an unabashed cheerleader instead of worry wart!
Anthony Bourdain is damn lucky you are introducing him. When you come on stage I’ll lead off with a wolf whistle, and perhaps a round of “Go Julie, GO JULIE!” Okay no not really. But I think you’ll knock them dead.
I love Anthony more than I care to admit. You have to tell me after if he is a sexy beast up close. hehehehehe.
Mmac on 08 Jan 2010 at 2:26 pm #
You could always try the old distraction technique. Put your arm in a sling and it’s all anyone will focus on. You can have a miracle cure the next day. Just sayin …
Barb on 08 Jan 2010 at 2:28 pm #
We’re all rooting for you. By the time you’re done Anthony will be wishing you would introduce him all the time.
glenda on 08 Jan 2010 at 11:18 pm #
Oh Julie, the outdoor freezer, the limited mobility(for other reasons!), the excess pounds, the undetermined worries – this is indeed my life! Your blog makes me laugh out loud, nod in serious agreement and sigh with empathy.
Thank you for sharing your struggles and triumphs in such a creative and entertaining manner – oh yes, and inspiring me in the cooking department as well!
Colleen on 09 Jan 2010 at 11:57 am #
Oh goodness, I laughted and and laughted at Mmac’s comment about the sling! What a great idea!
You rock. Don’t forget it.