First One Out of the Gate (I Heart Anthony Bourdain)
I have a hard time writing about anything other than what’s going in Haiti today, but I know you’re all waiting for an update on A. B. So I’ll go ahead and fill you in on the nitty and the gritty.
Wardrobe issues aside, it went well. I didn’t throw up, nor pass out. I did forget some of my best jokes, but that tends to happen when you’re standing alone on stage in front of 2000 people (chefs and foodies and friends and peers – people in Calgary whose opinion I care about) and on top of it Mr. Anthony Bourdain is watching you from stage right.
But here, let me backtrack and spin you the whole tale.
Before the show I went for dinner with Greg van Poppel, the executive chef from the Fairmont Palliser hotel, and his wife Sarah, who were completely fantastic. They were the winning bidders on the package we auctioned off on CBC before Christmas, and they donated a pile of dineros to the Calgary Inter-faith Food Bank. (Thanks guys.) Dinner was donated by BLVD Lounge, although my stomach felt like it was trying to exit through my mouth, I managed to share some small plates – falafel-battered wild prawns with tahini aioli, tempura Hotchkiss green beans, Alberta braised bison short ribs on golden beet gnocchi, a charcuterie platter – but I had to ditch them early to get down to the Epcor Centre by 7, so missed out on the tower of beef and lobster and parade of other treats they reported to be equally fantastic.
Honestly, I have no idea why BLVD isn’t more recognized for their food – they serve consistently delicious stuff at the events I’ve seen them at (they won best overall at the Lawson Lundell Celebrity Hors d’Oeuvres competition two years ago), they make all their breads, pastas and desserts in-house, and have a great list of local and organic suppliers. Bonus: their prices aren’t insane. (They also have a great wine list and on Wine Wednesdays you can get $5 wines by the glass and live entertainment.)
So my half a glass of red sufficiently warmed my face and fuzzed my mind, which had until that point been playing my little speech on a loop all day long. You know how when you repeat the same word over and over it starts to sound all distorted and wrong? Yeah. I think I may have worked myself up just a little bit. I arrived at the Epcor Centre all flushed and with a heart rate approaching that I’d normally reach after half an hour on the elliptical trainer, and they showed me to… wait for it… my dressing room. I know! And guess who was right next door? Huzzah.
The organizers brought me over for a quick meet, and I asked Anthony if I could ask him to sign my chest (upper – not in a nasty way, just funny rock-star way) onstage as he came on, thinking it would be funny but not wanting to put him on the spot. He laughed very nicely said he’d better not – Twitter and all that – and of course he’s married now with an almost 3 year old daughter. We parted ways and I went back to my room to get changed.
The Outfit. It wasn’t as fabulous as I hoped – I know this by the complete lack of comments on anything but my boots (which he signed, by the way). Two people asked if I had gone shopping for new clothes to wear that night. When I told them I had, each replied in a manner begetting one who has been taught that if they don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all – “oh good! Well I really like the boots!” The jacket might have been a mistake. At the store my Mom (who has great taste, I hasten to add) oohed and aahed and told me it hung just right over the places I carry my fuel reserves. I thought it was a little too much fabric with the skirt, but it was comfortable. And it did look kinda cool from the front, especially with the skirt/boots combo, so I went with it. At quarter to eight I stepped out of my dressing room and headed over to the stage to try to steady myself. As I passed Anthony’s open door and saw him pacing the empty room he asked, “are you nervous?”
“Yes,” I said. “You?”
“Oh yeah.” I went inside his dressing room, empty except for a couch, chairs and closed piano. He was just hanging out, standing there in black jeans, shirt and jacket, drinking a cold Red Stripe beer out of a stubby. He is a big guy – a good head taller than me, and very slim. And he was nervous. Anthony Bourdain was nervous. In a completely charming, real, honest way that put me instantly at ease. (Well, not completely – I was hanging out alone with A.B., and almost forgot how to speak.) We chatted about shows and crowds and being on or off – some days, he said, he’s had enough sleep, he’s well rested, he’s had a good meal, and still he’s off his game for some reason – no idea why. Other days he’s exhausted and burnt out and he nails it.
“When you step out in front of that audience it’s like the gates open and you come flying down the chute,” he laughed. He talked to me as if I was the same caliber as he – like I could relate. But in many ways, I could. He was a real, good guy, and he was nervous about putting himself out there. Thinking of words to describe him I keep coming back to the plainest: nice. Good. Edgy, yes – macho – sure, but also sweetness and sincerity. He held doors open for me. He paid attention to everything I said (not that I can remember any of it) and looked right into my eyes as I spoke. At one point I was saying something relatively unimportant (as my brain yelled at me, IT’S ANTHONY BOURDAIN YOU IDIOT! SAY SOMETHING WITTY! TELL HIM AN IDEA! LEAVE YOUR MARK!) and someone came in to tell us something or other, breaking up the conversation. When they left he turned to me and asked me to pick up where I had left off, reminding me the last of what I had said before our interruption. Genuine, with no trace of asshole. I offered to leave him be for his last few minutes to psych himself up and he said no, you don’t need to go.
And then it was time to go on. We went to the stage and he got miked up, and we ran through how the Q&A would go (he gets so involved in answering questions that he finds it difficult to keep track of who is lining up at which microphone, and there were 8 of them scattered around the darkened 4-tiered concert hall, so he asked me to come out and help him point out who’s next) and talked about his daughter, who is almost 3. I shared a Willemism with him – the meat one – thinking it would be right up his alley, and he laughed. Then I went on stage.
And he had put me at ease, which is not to say I was relaxed or not at all nervous, but perhaps a little more eager to put him at ease, being the first one out of the gate. I wanted to show him what a great crowd I knew it would be, to try to loosen them up – which in retrospect seems quite ridiculous. He had no trouble at all connecting with the crowd, let me tell you. He’s a pro. Witty, quick, and quite hilarious. But I wanted to show him, by sound, before he came onstage what a friendly and responsive crowd he had to work with. You draw so much energy from the audience – there’s an intimacy to the relationship; like you’re in a mosh pit, trusting them to hold you up and not let you fall. Which depends of course entirely on you not sucking.
It’s tougher when they’re there – watching you. Nevermind that 100,000 or so people listen on CBC every morning – it’s easy in the studio with friends and buddies in the control booth. I thought of your comments and pretended that the audience was you – every seat filled with a friend. This, in retrospect, may also have been a mistake.
So I joked around, as I do when I’m nervous, and fed on the laughter that came from such a large audience. Although there was a podium on stage for Anthony they put me in front of a music stand, which did nothing to hide the extra layer of shortbread weight I was carrying. I took a photo of the audience with my Blackberry. I had fun.
My only real regret was the ass grab – when I got to the introduction part and he came onstage I went in for a hug and gave a squeeze, just for laughs, but reaching around I grabbed his microphone pack by mistake. So I had to do a double take on the other cheek, which caused him to give an overly surprised look and in the end probably came across as awkward and gratuitous groping as the audience wouldn’t have known about the microphone, but rather saw me make an awkward dive for both cheeks.
I always said if I could have one superhero power it would be a rewind button. Would it get used.
I ducked into the wings and sat on a stool feeling foolish, sure that he would be mad at me. But when we came offstage (after he spoke for an extra half an hour and extended his Q&A from 20 minutes to 50) I instantly told him I was sorry for grabbing his butt and he laughed and said it was OK. Phew.
And then we went to the VIP reception and he signed books and took photos with people and went back to his hotel room to get some sleep before a 5am flight to California. And we ate profiteroles filled with fois gras ice cream and drizzled with caramel from the Cookbook Company, and drank wines from Willow Park Wines (although Anthony stuck to his Red Stripe stubbies). And that was it.
I came back to reality with a thud when I landed in the dentist’s chair at 8am this morning, where I spent over an hour having my teeth scraped and gums prodded with a metal pick. (Honestly – with all the advances in science and technology, a metal pick is still the best they can do?) During this long hour, trapped in the chair inside my own head, I winced over memories of my sausage and muffin-top jokes and obsessed over the sudden realization that I introduced Anthony Bourdain looking like I just came from Fraggle Rock. (All to the E-Z listening sounds of Peaceful, Easy Feeling and La Bamba.)
I Heart Anthony Bourdain, Part 2.
It came to be last night that this story got divided into two parts; I had written up to this point yesterday afternoon when I came across a conversation thread on a message board tearing me to bits for the into I just told you about. Meanly.
Which, of course, is what I was so scared of. In general, but particularly on this day.
This hasn’t happened before, but has always been the risk that comes with putting yourself out there in the way that I do, the unnerving part of being in the public eye, so to speak. I understand now the reason so many TV personalities have an on-air persona – a sort of airbag that separates the professional criticism from something penetratingly personal. All those things I’m afraid of possibly being true about myself gauge higher emotionally and so they stick much more quickly and are longer-lasting than any compliment; it reinforces that negative voice in my head-strengthens it.
It’s why when I melted into a sobbing, snotty puddle and crawled under the covers, prompting W to become concerned and ask what had happened to me, Mike said, “Mommy’s getting a job at Tim Horton’s!” (to which W became excited and thought he might get free toasted cinnamon-raisin bagels for life). This is his response every time I come home from a show or an event at which I imagine I haven’t done well, haven’t caused people to like me or portrayed the message I want to portray. Mike poo-poos my worried overanalysis, telling me I’m crazy and no one really thinks that, and I should really not do TV and radio if I’m going to get so worked up about it. But this time he was wrong – other people were thinking it. And worse.
And truly, only in the deepest recesses of my fear would I have dreamed I’d inspire such nastiness.
It seems to be an acceptable thing; there’s an unwritten open invitation to criticize anyone who sets foot in the public eye – to make fun of their weight or stance or speech or delivery. You’re welcome – encouraged, even – to love them or hate them, make fun of them and share it with everyone.
It happens to be something I’ve been struggling with lately, as people start recognizing me in public places (which I LOVE, by the way, please don’t think I’m ungrateful or in any way annoyed by that), and referring to my “brand” (a concept I completely understand and accept but nonetheless cringe at); but it’s a new concept to reconcile my idea of myself with other peoples’ idea of me. Which is why it’s one and the same, and I’ve ignored meandering thoughts of what I think other people expect me to be and just gone ahead and carried on being me. (And really, this is something everyone struggles with to some degree, right?) I waver sometimes over what should be made public or left private, but otherwise there’s no put-on. I don’t see the point.
But it seems I do need to sort out the different versions of me – me on my blog, me on CBC, me
on TV, me in Parents Canada, me in front of a concert hall audience introducing Anthony Bourdain. That’s why there are editors, directors, producers, official styles and pronunciations, all but here filtering me into something that’s acceptable for that particular audience. I haven’t reached the status yet where there’s no overlap; where Anthony was (rightly) praised for being real and honest and himself, I was harshly criticized for the same. Which can be interpreted in only one way: they didn’t like me.
I remember my Dad telling me when I was a kid that not everyone will like you, and it caused as much upset and horror as when I realized there was no Santa and everyone dies. But why wouldn’t they like me? I’m nice! I didn’t do anything! He didn’t explain why, just said that that’s the way it was, and you can’t please everyone. I went through the next few years wondering if every new person I met would be The One Who Didn’t Like Me, and fretted over how I could change their minds if this was in fact the case.
I sent the link to friends, sobbing, needing them to tell me they’re just stupidheads anyway who clearly don’t know what they’re talking about. And I cried most of the afternoon and into the evening; over this, and Haiti, and the friends of friends who have died suddenly in recent weeks, and another in the ICU with surgery scars and acute renal failure, all who demonstrate fully that disappointment and pride are not worth tears. But then sometimes they are.
My sister showed up after work with two pints of Häagen-Dazs – one coffee and one chocolate-raspberry, which we ate lying on the bed with W between us in his PJs, which were eventually covered in chocolate. Ali (OK, she has a name now – I have two sisters and so referring her simply as such is a little vague) is a teacher, and good at psychoanalysis. To address W’s concern she said this: it’s hard to be proud of yourself. You have to work really hard at something or accomplish a lot to allow yourself to take pride in what you’ve done. But when you make a mistake it’s easy to be disappointed in yourself, to allow yourself to be swallowed up by that disappointment even, and let it prevent you from doing things you might otherwise do. And it’s even harder when others are disappointed in you.
So I guess there’s nothing to do but keep on keeping on, attempt to either pry it off or accept that my dad was right, and not let it affect what I do in the future. And try not to let that destructive voice in my head gain strength in numbers.
January 14 2010 10:00 am | leftovers
Shelley on 14 Jan 2010 at 10:16 am #
People can be real jerks. Especially when they don’t know you personally and don’t have the guts to say things to your face.
I don’t know where the comments were Julie, but you could always reply/comment and put them on the spot – sweetly ask, “why do you think that?” and stand your ground.
Good job Ali on showing up with 2 kinds of ice cream!
Don’t sweat the jerks Julie – they’re the minority and really of no consequence in the big picture.
Elaine on 14 Jan 2010 at 10:20 am #
Part 1: That all just sounds like a fantastic dream. Meeting a notable celebrity (one worthy of his status); getting to introduce him, thus spending actual face time before and after the event; grabbing said celebrity’s ass (let’s be honest, people: we’ve all thought about it); having thousands of people laugh at a joke you tell–it must have been such a rush. Except for the dentist part. And you’re right–they should find something a little less medieval to work with.
Part 2: That completely sucks. I mean, it blows. People can be really, horribly, illogically cruel. My husband is in a few Chicago bands and they’ll get written up in the papers around here pretty regularly. Each time, threads go up on blogs and message boards and at least one of the threads will be about how awful my husband’s band is, how he must be friends with the reviewers to get the good reviews, etc. It always makes me REALLY angry, but the hubs always says, “People only have as much power over you as you give them.” And it’s true. There are always going to be assholes in the world, and there will always be people who think bashing someone else makes themselves sound clever–that hasn’t changed since first grade. But those people are in the vast minority. The thousands of people in the audience who laughed at your jokes and the hundreds of people who follow this blog–we think you’re stellar. (We’re all much more clever than those assholes anyway.)
Dianne on 14 Jan 2010 at 10:22 am #
Very well done Julie. Part one is fabulous – what a great experience for you and for Anthony too.
Part two…what Shelley said. A few comments from some awful people don’t count for much. What a wonderful sister you have. Haagen Daaz cures everything.
Keep making us laugh and think.
Erica B. on 14 Jan 2010 at 10:40 am #
Anthony Bourdain sounds like a great down-to-earth guy. I’m glad for Part 1 and for your sister. As for Part 2 – I can only imagine how hard it was to write *hug* None of those people were asked to emcee, and I don’t think for a minute those people could fill your shoes. Amateur armchair critics are just that, and I’m willing to bet one or two of them were jealous that you had the opportunity to introduce such a culinary icon. Don’t let a few nasty remarks change you.
JMB on 14 Jan 2010 at 10:48 am #
Hi Julie,
You did a great job Tuesday night, my hubby had never heard of you before and thought you were funny!
I wish I had VIP tickets to meet Anthony it would have been a blast! What an honour to emcee for Anthony Bourdain, I would totally forget about the comments on that site, they are just jealous they didn’t get to meet AB , what a fun night that was!
Did you notice some people comment about AB’s language have they never seen his shows or read his books, to each there own, and you did say A** too funny! lol
I thought you looked great and who would have thought to get their books signed, good job!!!
Keep doing what you do! Cheers!
Kayla on 14 Jan 2010 at 10:51 am #
I am sorry to hear that people are being such jerks to you! I have enjoyed your blog for a while and don’t comment too often, but the last few posts sound like you need some support! Sounds like you are getting it from family, friends, etc, but I’ll just say that some people have way too much time on their hands and probably also think that being “anonymous” online gives them the right to be an asshole. From the first half of your post, it’s clear that you had fun and a great experience, so don’t let those jerks ruin it!
Terri on 14 Jan 2010 at 10:59 am #
You will soldier on as you always have. This was an amazing experience and opportunity for you and that is exactly how it should be filed away in you memory. Onward and upward and I say this “screw the cowards”.
You have the most courage of literally ANYONE that I know. As much as I say like me or leave me, I would never in a hundred thousand kajillion years ever have the balls to do what you are doing on a daily basis.I for one would be terribly disappointed in you if you were to allow such cowardly comments to change your course.
P.S Mike’s Tim Horton comment…LOVES IT! (it’s so him!)( if you need Mexican vanilla, email me soon )
Sho on 14 Jan 2010 at 11:11 am #
Julie, It was fantastic meeting you (again? I still can’t place you, but know we’ve met somewhere) on Tuesday night. Don’t mind the haters! You were fantastic. You hit the perfect, down to earth note that made all of us in the audience feel like we too could meet and hang with AB! You gave me and my pals enough confidence to pull the group photo, after all!
robyn on 14 Jan 2010 at 11:12 am #
I love your post. SO honest, so real and so insightful. It’s so hard to be judged and criticized – nobody likes it. And we can all tell you you’re fantastic and talented and funny, but it still hurts when someone says different. (Hi sweetrpea! Happy now?) Sorry. Had to put my digs in to one of the bullies.
If I were you, I wouldn’t change a thing about your “brand”. You were asked to present for AB BECAUSE of who you are. The people in the audience who didn’t like your introduction? They can suck it.
barbara on 14 Jan 2010 at 11:15 am #
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that ends with “the people that matter don’t mind and the people that mind don’t matter” – so cherish the good memories of that night (sounds like it was pretty memorable and special to me!) and dump the rest where it belongs – the circular file!
Sarah (Calgary) on 14 Jan 2010 at 11:17 am #
I agree with all the comments that have been posted thus far. Here are my two cents worth. YOU were asked to emcee an event based on who YOU are: the Julie that we all support, cherish and laugh with whether in person or through the various medias outlets that keep us in touch with you. You mustn’t let the words of a few discount who YOU are or what YOU accomplished. YOU got to introduce AB! How awesome! And don’t forget it!
Cathy D (Calgary) on 14 Jan 2010 at 11:37 am #
I said it yesterday and I’ll say it again: You did a great job. You were genuine, warm and funny. You were introducting a man who went on to use such expressions as “taking it up the ass”. A dry, read intro would not have sufficed.
Unfortunately, opinions are like belly buttons, everyone has one. And you, Ms. Julie, have the strength to hold your head up high when a few (the FEW, not the MANY) people had a less than favourable opinion.
Developing a thick skin is a struggle for most of us that put ourselves out there in any way. I know it’s tough, but you can keep your head up and know that you are loved by so many.
Can’t please ‘em all. Don’t get fitted for your Timmy’s uniform quite yet!
And to remind you of what I said oh so eloquently yesterday: F them
Kathy on 14 Jan 2010 at 11:37 am #
Oh Julie, part one was awesome to read, part two – well, my heart breaks for you, I had to blow my nose and wipe my eyes so I could see to post this reply. I’ve been the victim of forum-bashing and it is not fun at all.
Julie you are so kind and generous, your work for charity, and even how much you have helped me with my own cookbook–from granting permission to use your recipes, helping me draft my query letter, to providing a contact name at your own publisher, all out of the goodness of your heart… the only way we “know” each other is through this blog, but let me tell you I’d love to change that and if my cookbook is accepted @ the publisher, I’ll let you know and take you out to celebrate and for a big thank you for your help.
I have struggled with how being myself isn’t good enough until I adopted the words of Dr. Seuss “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter, won’t mind and those who mind, don’t matter.”
Hugs!
Aimee on 14 Jan 2010 at 11:39 am #
Oh. Julie. I don’t know what to say, except–you can sign my chest anytime.
Really!
The real Julie is the coolest, and if there are some people out there that can’t see that, sucks to be them.
You rock!
Manon from Ontario on 14 Jan 2010 at 11:43 am #
Wow Julie you had an amazing night.
Julie I hug you….a great big one and just want to tell you that you are a very generous and giving person, and for me it’s not what you do but rather who you are. I totally agree with “Kathy” who quoted “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter, won’t mind and those who mind, don’t matter.” Sooooo true.
Love you and your blog Julie, don’t you ever change for ignorant people…keep on being you, you inspire me
MFO
Kelley on 14 Jan 2010 at 11:58 am #
I agree with everyone else. Don’t let the few mean-spirited critics get you down and ruin your whole experience. Constructive criticim is one thing, but cruelty is completely unnecessary. You are who you are – nice, funny, open and honest. And they are who they are – cruel, mean-spirited cowards who hide behind a computer. I feel sad for them, and you shouldn’t let them change who you are or dampen your enjoyment of that night.
Marilyn on 14 Jan 2010 at 12:12 pm #
Julie, I think I can understand what you are feeling.
As a college instructor who taught public speaking for many years, it amazed me how many students, after making a couple of mistakes, had a meltdown, insisted they were horrible speakers, and that their entire presentation was a disaster. It was a constant battle to convince them to move past that harsh self-criticism to realize that they were good, but not perfect, presenters. As you pointed out, even AB talked about “being off his game” some days. That doesn’t mean that audience didn’t enjoy listening to him. Perfection is rarely required, or achieved, in most human endeavours.
Unfortunately, if you focus on critical remarks and mistakes, it’s all too easy to lose your enthusiasm and naturalness the next time you have to face an audience. I think that anyone who works in a public position eventually comes to the realization that glowing compliments and nasty comments come from the extreme ends of the audience spectrum. Both need to be taken with the proverbial grain of salt.
Not many people have the courage to be open in front of an audience. You did that. You also delighted the majority of the audience. You connected with them. That is a successful presentation.
Anonymous on 14 Jan 2010 at 12:14 pm #
jules, let me just say you are a spectacularly amazing woman (publicly and privately), great mom, great friend and a constant inspiration. sadly, dad was right. there is no rhyme or reason to it, but there will always be those that don’t like you and they seem to be so LOUD. put on some groovy bose earphones, the ones that block out WHITE NOISE and keep on being the amazing chick you are. we love you just the way you are honey!
rea on 14 Jan 2010 at 12:17 pm #
you know, you just can’t let cruel people tell you that your work is “crap”. i know it’s easier said than done but it’s true.
i’ve been there. someone says “you’re not Hemingway. why are you writing like Hemingway? there is only one Hemingway and he was a great writer.”
so. after the chocolate ice cream and a little sleep, here’s what you say to yourself. i love what i do. if i didn’t do it, i wouldn’t be able to forgive myself for the missed opportunities. yes, it’a risk. yes, it ain’t easy. yes, it’s downright *fucking scary exposing myself. but i’m worth it and i’m gonna do it because it’s my path.
*sorry about the profanity but it just felt right, you know?
JMB on 14 Jan 2010 at 12:33 pm #
Silly Me!
I meant……..getting your boots signed!
Kate on 14 Jan 2010 at 12:35 pm #
Hi Julie… I agree with the comments, mean people suck. Petty people are even worse… I find your blog refreshing and a joy to read. I had an opportunity to watch ‘Its Just Food’ and thought you were very sweet and funny… I don’t know you, but I feel that if we would ever meet, we would be friends.
Keep doing what you do, and keep your chin up…
Laurie on 14 Jan 2010 at 12:48 pm #
Oh, Julie
One of the sayings my mother-in-law had (she was a teacher and a vice-principal) “Those who can do it, do it. Those who can’t do it, teach the theory of it. Those who can’t even do that, criticise it.”
YOu’ve run afoul of the people who can’t achieve anything like what you’re doing, so they’re tearing down your achievements.
Although it sounds personal, because they’re hitting your tender spots, it’s not actually a personal attack. They don’t know you, you’re not even a person to them, you’re a ‘public figure.’
They’re worse than the bullies in the school yard because they’re anonymous cowards who don’t have the guts say anything to anyone’s face, only to type to a screen that can’t challenge them.
Also, allow yourself an ‘after event’ crash. You’ve been worked up for this for a while. There’s bound to be a crash when you come down from all of that adrenaline – especially when the morning after included the dentist!
That makes things like annonymous, unfounded cruelty hit that much harder.
For goodness sake, don’t let this petty meanness take the shine of your big moment!
You did well, you looked great, you were chosen to do this because of who you are and what you do.
Revel in the positive, over-look the negative.
And cyber hugz
Sam on 14 Jan 2010 at 12:54 pm #
My personal theory is that the fall of Western Civilization began when people could post the most vitriolic nonsense online anonymously. It’s sort of a joke and sort of not really. If you read message boards you see people out there airing opinions they either never would in public or would tone down considerably. It is cowardice. To the cowards who torn you down, well I would only wish their cowardice would be exposed in the most public manner possible. And really, if their idol (Anthony) thought you were great, who are they to comment? I used to wish for a rewind button too – it comes from being a little too over the top in my case (and then feeling mortified later) but now I just chill and let myself make mistakes. You OWN it, girl. You grabbed Anthony Bordain’s butt – and in internet parlance I think you should say to those on the message board – suck it, haters!
Sorry for the essay and vulgarity. Don’t change – we’re all behind you!
Amy on 14 Jan 2010 at 12:57 pm #
And your critics are also coming from a place of fear Julie. Only the ones courageous enough to put themselves “out there” can ever really know what it’s like. I’ve been in your shoes, and am a lot more careful with my comments than ever before (both thought and spoken!). I think you can safely assume that the nasty person who trashed you has never set foot on a stage in his or her life. You go girl – and make mistakes – and keep flying! Your successes are far far more frequent.
Sherri on 14 Jan 2010 at 1:05 pm #
Julie, to echo the other posts you were/are wonderful. I found your intro genuine, witty, and true to yourself and you represented Calgary well as you do in all of your public speaking engagements!
Who you are is a busy professional and Mom who always finds the time to contibute to local charities and interest groups who reap the benefits of your strengths (both personally and financially!) This is who you are and why, as Calgarians, we love and respect you!
At the end of the day…you raised thousands of dollars for the inter-faith foodbank and met a fellow foodie icon. Cherish the moment and let those who criticize be miserable!
P.S. remaining so comfortable on stage even whilst “double spanxed” is, in itself, no small feat!
Cheryl Arkison on 14 Jan 2010 at 1:16 pm #
No offense, but I don’t think the Tim’s uniform would suit you.
(And yes, other people, that was a joke.)
While blogging and putting yourself in the public eye does open us up to criticism and even contept, I see forums as the opportunity for cranky people to spew forth. What’s that old adage about the silence of the happy and the screams of the angry?
Fraggles aside, you deserve to enjoy this moment. Take it and focus on the conversations you had with AB. As for the rest of the world, fuck ‘em.
Vivian on 14 Jan 2010 at 1:36 pm #
Being a visual artist who shows regularly, I have also been “treated” to some unkind remarks at times. My defense has always been that I create from my soul; what I give is totally and truly me and that essence cannot and should not be changed to “fit” anyone else’s perspective or it would be a false and ultimately worthless gesture. Knowing who you are, loving yourself and believing in your intrinsic worth is the ultimate shield against the nasty, nameless sniping of the few unhappy, jealous, bitter, petty souls who hide behind anonymity! You “glow” girl!
Terri on 14 Jan 2010 at 1:51 pm #
I don’t know about the rest of you but all this lifting up is working for me too! Keep ‘em coming!
To quote Vivian because that is just so good it should be said twice!
“Knowing who you are, loving yourself and believing in your intrinsic worth is the ultimate shield against the nasty, nameless sniping of the few unhappy, jealous, bitter, petty souls who hide behind anonymity! You “glow” girl!
Joni on 14 Jan 2010 at 1:52 pm #
Julie, what bothers me most in reading all of this is that you’re allowing those FEW negative comments ruin your enjoyment of this wonderful moment in your life. Look at what you’ve accomplished. THEY ASKED YOU to host this event! They did that for a reason. They know who you are and what people already think of you or they wouldn’t have put you up there.
You have an amazing energy that shines and you are a truly good person… one of the best I’ve known, in fact. Do not let a few short-sighted negatives (which, by the way, seem to be greatly outnumbered by the positive feedback you’re seeing here) ruin this for you. You should still be over the moon about this experience. Enjoy it. You deserve that.
Laverne on 14 Jan 2010 at 2:29 pm #
Julie
I wish you weren’t so upset. This is life… like the good Dr. V said, some people are going to like you, some are not. Meh..so what. I read the comments on the chat forum too. Some of the comments were fair, and some weren’t. Everyone has the right to their opinion, so don’t let it get to you. You do great work, so pick yourself up and dust yourself off! Most importantly you got the gig for being you! Keep it up.
JulieVR on 14 Jan 2010 at 2:32 pm #
Yes, everyone does have the right to their opinion! Absolutely. I was saying that last night. And I totally believe in the right to free speech.
I’m still over the moon about having met Anthony, and now even more so having read all these fantastic comments. Thanks everyone.
ladyloo on 14 Jan 2010 at 2:45 pm #
Those are some stupid hamster brained people.
I admire your honesty and chutzpah, Julie. You had what sounds like an awesome night. And a really shitty day. I was just talking to my friend who also had a horrible, no good day, and I said to her, “Would the you of January 2009 look at the you of January 2010 and think, ‘Wow! Look at the cool things that are going on?’” Big picture, Julie, there will always be crappy days, but you’re doing awesome things with your time and energy. And we all like you very much.
Kathryn on 14 Jan 2010 at 3:12 pm #
Oh, Julie. Treasure the good part and forgot the rest. Clearly, they are narrow-minded nasty jerks. Not worth another thought.
You rock.
Christina on 14 Jan 2010 at 3:15 pm #
First off, thank you once again for your honesty and openness!! I really appreciate it. I had a long note written for you telling you how I can relate and deleted it because these are your feelings and I can’t know them fully. So all I’m going to say is this: I think you are awesome!! Absolutely brilliant! The first thing I do when I jump on the computer is check your blog … even before Facebook (sometimes I check multiple times a day just to check if by chance there’s a new post or to re-read your last post)!! I am so thankful for your blog (which by the way was the first blog I ever followed) and for the place you hold in this world!!
Keep being you and kickin ass!
jacquie on 14 Jan 2010 at 3:28 pm #
Hey Julie! Last year my then thirteen year old daughter was having a really hard time with a particular group of girls at school (Teen-age girls would make those cranks on Internet message boards cry!) We talked, read self-help books, cried, spoke to teachers, counsellors. Finally one day, I threw up my hands and said “Emily, just f**k ‘em!” Hard to say which of us was more shocked! But we laughed a long time and things did get better. Your dad was right (and much less vulgar)… Hope you feel better soon.
clea on 14 Jan 2010 at 3:39 pm #
this made me so furious to read (just the last part)! ditto on everything supportive everyone has said. I work for my parents and sometimes when their work is out there, people say mean things about them. I always take it really personally, and my dad says he has just learned not to listen to that kind of criticism. It seems to me that internet based comments in situations where people are anonymous tend towards the negative. It’s like when people are in their cars and feel that they can honk or yell something mean out the window (with astonishing frequency – at least for me) because they never have to deal with you on a human level. and I have taken these things to heart before. It hurts to have negativity thrown at you, but at the end of hte day, it is their ‘stuff’, not yours. and if you don’t own it, they are the losers in the end.
I’ve said it before: you are a daily inspiration to me. I was having lunch with my cousin today, and you were brought up, and I said to her, I wonder if Julie knows that she is constantly referenced by so many of us. “Julie did, said _____” is often a topic of conversation, because what you do is amazing. Including sharing these more difficult moments. Knowing that a hero of mine feels the same way I do makes it easier for me to take risks like you.
Lorraine on 14 Jan 2010 at 4:03 pm #
Ditto on what Clea wrote. I too was furious with the last part, and unfortunately those types don’t go away. They are like predators, waiting for the next opportunity to take someone down, and make themselves feel better in the process.
Julie, my dear, you have no idea how many people you have helped, with your food ideas, thoughts on life, and just being yourself. I found your blog just a few months ago, and dived right in to it, trying a lot of your recipes. I never did a lot a of cooking before, and what I did was boring..but not anymore! I introduce my dishes, as ” a Julie” to my husband who responds, ” I don’t know Julie, but I know I love her!” We all do!
Never forget, its not what they say to you, but what you say to yourself. Keep your head up high and don’t look back.
HUGGGS!
Donna on 14 Jan 2010 at 4:03 pm #
Don’t give those mean spirited forum polluters another thought. Some get their kicks from criticizing and “dissing” their betters. By commenting in such a way they try to make themselves seen more important. It is very much like bullying – but more cowardly- since who knows who they are?
Forget them and eliminate any power they have.
You are still our Julie. We love your openness, and friendly wisdom. (and your cookbooks rock !)
Barb on 14 Jan 2010 at 4:22 pm #
Isn’t it true that you can hear and be humbled by dozens of kind and true comments about yourself and some #@$&* comes along, says something stinging and negative and that’s the comment that stays on top of all the rest and haunts you? I hate that those are the kind of comments that sell and encourage journalists to keep making them. Get out your armour; there are lots of mean people out there. You don’t deserve that.
Elsbeth on 14 Jan 2010 at 4:31 pm #
You totally rock! Rest assured that people who appreciate you (as friends, listeners, food followers and – dare I say – fans) FAR outnumber one jerk who clearly has to beat other people down in order to feel better himself. You were great!
sachin on 14 Jan 2010 at 4:46 pm #
Julie, I thought you did an absolutely fantastic job with the intro on tuesday night. I have been a huge fan of Anthony for years and your opening not only captured my excitment for his visit to Calgary but also that of a majority of people around me.
Sarah G on 14 Jan 2010 at 4:49 pm #
Well, with every extreme high, there will be, most times, an extreme low. Don’t think I am bragging but I had a ride in a Mig when they were at the Red Deer Air Show. I was so hyped, it was without doubt, the ride of my life. What I did not expect was the extreme low that came after the rush. I languished in bed for days thinking I could have bought food for a day in Bangladesh for the price I paid for that ride. I think it is part and parcel of the situation. And, I hesitate to say it, but I find many upper crust foodies in Calgary to be very critical and self-righteous. Think of it this way, they were jealous because they would have paid to be hanging out with ‘what’s his name’. Hold your head high and love yourself. You don’t have to be a plus size for people to criticize your weight and appearance. You can be just about perfect and they will still do it. I know.
Dinner In Real Time on 14 Jan 2010 at 6:00 pm #
The anonymity of the internet gives the idiots of the world the opportunity to flaunt their idiocy full force. You gave the gift of your humor and brilliance to 2000 people the other night. Those few who couldn’t appreciate it are not worth the time of day.
Shobha on 14 Jan 2010 at 6:52 pm #
I whole heartedly agree with Dinner in Real Time. I happen to see those comments and I just couldn’t believe it. People who have nothing better to do then criticize people from the comfort of their computers aren’t worth the time. Honour those that you have lost ( and those people in Haiti) by living the best life and not letting them bring you down. They are not worth any one moment of your spectacular life!
angiebean on 14 Jan 2010 at 6:56 pm #
How exciting to meet AB! Congrats!
Sorry there has to be haters out there:(
I am sure there are lots more of us that really enjoy your blogs.
lovetocook on 14 Jan 2010 at 6:59 pm #
Julie, this ‘critic’ is insanely jealous; don’t you get it? Besides which, you probably needed a good cry (and some Hagen Daas) with all that’s been going on and with the excitement of AB behind you…For those of us who just think you’re Superwoman, beautiful, capable, smart and funny, it’s good to know you are like the rest of us in the end- vulnerable and sensitive as well. You’ll soon be laughing about it.
KC on 14 Jan 2010 at 7:33 pm #
Pay no mind, Julie. Keep on, keepin’ on, DUDE!
danzy on 14 Jan 2010 at 7:36 pm #
JVR!
a. mean people suck
b. mean people (who post things publicly) really suck
c. you are brave
d. you are clever
e. you are incredibly funny (you slay me, especially when you’re on CBC)
f. you are talented
g. you are beautiful (not just your hair or boots, the whole package)
h. you are adored by many!
Susan on 14 Jan 2010 at 7:38 pm #
Julie, yours is the only blog I follow regularly and as Lorraine said, you are a regular part of our family conversation now. In a positive way, I swear.
On that note, I love all the profanities posted here – people love you passionately! And why is that? Because you’re fab.
Keep up the great work!
Reith on 14 Jan 2010 at 7:40 pm #
Don’t let the bastards get you down Jules. Love you.
malithi on 14 Jan 2010 at 7:55 pm #
I tried to find the message thread to give those jerks a piece of my mind, but I couldn’t find it.
You’re fantastic and everyone who matters thinks so.
hannah wellens on 14 Jan 2010 at 7:57 pm #
I’m a fan of you Julie, I think you are great! I love reading your blog and try your recipes and I cannot imagine why people are so mean to someone who spreads joy to others. Thanks for being yourself!!
Hannah.
Karen on 14 Jan 2010 at 8:12 pm #
Julie, you are real, funny, pretty, smart, talented, creative, interesting, happy, loved, lovely, daring, brave, popular, adaptable, appreciative, recongizable. I can say all of these things and I don’t even know you, so I can only imagine what those near and dear to you can say. I love love love what you do. Keep doing it for us, you do it so well. Haters can take a flying leap – or just wait for karma. She’s a b*tch.
mmac on 14 Jan 2010 at 8:21 pm #
I was so excited to read part 1 and so disappointed to read part 2. Everyone else has said all the good things, but just wanted to weigh in again (again, pun intended) to say give ‘em hell, Julie. Don’t change a thing.
Robyn in Mountain (Ontario that is) on 14 Jan 2010 at 8:53 pm #
Julie, don’t listen to the nasty stuff (I was going to say shit, but thought it might be edited). Who cares what “they” have to say. You are an incredible woman and after reading your blogs, I must say, you are a very interesting writer, possibly a poet. Woman, Mother, Sister, Wife, Friend, Cook Extrordinaire, and Poet. You are an inspiration!
Love and hugs to you!
Signed,
Tipping the scales in Mountain
Pat from Ontario on 14 Jan 2010 at 9:18 pm #
Julie, I agree with everyone else. You are an amazing, talented, humourous woman. When confronted by criticism, please remember all of us who love you for who you are!
Vox on 14 Jan 2010 at 9:24 pm #
Julie, some simple words of advice: Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.
Be proud of what you’ve accomplished. You’re an inspiration.
XXOO
Lisa on 14 Jan 2010 at 10:00 pm #
I’m seconding (or 58th-ing) the posts above. You’re great!
Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.
pauline on 15 Jan 2010 at 6:59 am #
Julie, take heart in what we all see and feel for you. We all think you are the greatest. I have met you in person and you are the same person as you come across as on this blog. A real person. People can be such jerks, working with the public I know this first hand. 99% of people are great but its that 1% that have no life but like to put people down and make people unhappy. I bet everyone that puts them self out there like you did has had this happen to them. Keep on doing what you do julie and to hell with them. Luv Ya
Karen on 15 Jan 2010 at 10:52 am #
Don’t let the jerks rent space in your head, sweetie! You are wonderful and don’t forget it, just because you ARE. And then of course, there’s the wonderful turkey, sausage and mushroom pie recipe you posted. Yikes, you could rest on those laurels alone. Blessings on your day!
Heather on 15 Jan 2010 at 11:28 am #
I know I am repeating what everyone else here has said but – screw them!
You are a fantastic, honest and generous person. I think you have fantastic style and do amazing things with food! You are a real person that I can relate to and you never cease to amaze me with all you do and the endless energy you have. The energy and positivity that you have only serves to spur the rest of us on!
LisaMer on 15 Jan 2010 at 1:34 pm #
Reading the second part of your blog post made me feel just sick. Some people are just a$$holes, plain and simple.
You are truly one of Calgary’s treasures – this blog is a testament to that.
Onward and upward, Julie!
Amanda LeNeve on 15 Jan 2010 at 2:05 pm #
Julie – these people are obviously too stuck up to find humour in anything. Everyone is human. Obviously, they have not had the great pleasure of spending 12 hours driving around Vancouver from demo to demo eating nothing but cookies… nor have they spent anytime on your lovely blog.
Katharine on 15 Jan 2010 at 6:34 pm #
Hey Babe…….. Just wanted to let you know that I love you. Amazing person and fantastic friend. You may not be able to get the chowhound super food snobs out of your head, but time will heal. Charlie and I were just discussing what “type” of people might be at AB. Some of those being the kitchen staff and some of those being the food snobs. Bet money that it was the food snobs that have every shitty critique about the event. Sorry if this sounds very stereotypical. I don’t mean to be insulting to anyone. But I’m pissed off that my friend has been hurt. You are a star in all of our eyes, Julie. Lots ‘o Love!
Mel on 15 Jan 2010 at 8:13 pm #
I’m sorry this is a day late, I’m out of town and behind on my Julie-news.
I have the same problem – I can receive a room full of compliments and support but that one person who mentions one tiny little negative thing taints the whole thing (and I cry and fret and don’t sleep and wonder why I ever thought I could do it). You are not alone.
Take comfort in your loyal followers who ‘worship’ your every shortbread cookie, turtle bar, all your other recipes,your commitment to us (and to the late hours you spend whipping up these amazing things!), and, of course, your humor. We love you!!!
Jan on 15 Jan 2010 at 9:18 pm #
Hey Julie =o)
This is Rachael’s sister, Jan. I’ve visited here many times without leaving a comment, but I just had to post this time to tell you how JEALOUS I am that you met AB!!! It sounds like you did a completely awesome job of hosting, and I’m sure you did. Your honesty and humour always shine. I’m a fan!
Steve on 15 Jan 2010 at 9:29 pm #
Great post. After following you occasionally on CBC I started reading your blog and really enjoy it. Lots of great food ideas plus I love the honest writing style of a hard working person with passion for life.
I recently started a new job where I am managing others for the first time which scares the crap out of me. I worry about them having part of their careers resting on my ability to be a good manager do doing right by them. When I am scared and nervous heading into a new challenge in life (new job, sick kids, etc) I remember this quote:
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” – Wayne Gretzky
Elizabeth, the newlywed newbie soup-maker on 15 Jan 2010 at 10:29 pm #
I “68th” all of the comments above, and I just wanted to say I think this was one of the most honest, open, really meaningful posts I’ve read on a blog in a long time. The world needs more Julie.
thepinkpeppercorn on 16 Jan 2010 at 12:14 am #
Mio Dio. I would really like to know who out there is perfect? You did good – I would have wanted at least 3 pints of Haagen-Dazs, plus a copious amount of grappa and/or nocino.
jenn in niagara on 16 Jan 2010 at 5:46 pm #
well now, that is just not playing nicely. why do the people on “the blog that should remain nameless” have to be mean anyways, as my dearly departed grandma used to say, honey if you dont have anything nice to say, then dont say anything at all. especially when you make it personal rather than constructive.
julie, you ROCK so there, just like all the other posters here and later, you give us inspiration each and every post! not to mention laughter and love.
(((hugs)))
you go girl, and flip the bird to the nasties.
kindas on 17 Jan 2010 at 4:45 pm #
i have found that whenever i am bitchy and critical it is because i feel less than or have jealousy and envy for some part of that which i am criticizing…
i like sam’s comment above “suck it, haters!”
A Canadian Foodie on 17 Jan 2010 at 7:05 pm #
Julie…
I read this because I really wanted to be there… what a personal piece. But, do you feel the love, now? I had a very similar situation in my earlier teaching years. I was doing a lot of presenting at professional conferences, and a lot of whole day seminars, etc. I put my heart into every thing I do. I still do that. I teach my students with love, and I try to communicate that when I present to my colleagues. And I do. I have received countless heartfelt detailed responses to my professional presentations and work. And, I always pass out an evaluation at the end of all of my sessions. Usually so that I could learn from what I could do better, but probably so I could hear wonderful personal comments there was not time to hear at the end of each session. One day, one person in a crowd of 500 gave me a 1 out of 10 and ranted on about how full of myself I was. I was devastated. I had to sit down immediately. I felt nauseous. I was overcome with grief. My helper thought I was crazy. How could one negative comment with so many positives have such a devastating effect upon me? It did. I learned a great deal that year, and worked through to an understanding that the person writing about me was the problem. Not my problem. His or her problem. The person who wrote about you, Julie, is probably a frustrated, unhappy, unfulfilled person and thrives on negative energy. I cannot handle negative energy. Take your power back from this person, and never let anyone put you under the covers in a bluthering mess again. Each of us is far too hard on ourselves. From where I sit, and I am far away, and do not know you well… I find it amazing that you are able to do what you do and raise your young family with the happy and positive attitude you consistently project. I say, “three cheers for Julie” and “thumbs-down to those who put-down” I am sure that person could not walk a half a block in your shoes.
Have a great week!
Valerie
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People who make nasty comments are unhappy with their own lives. I hope that you’re feeling better about all this now.
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stop it. you are better than AB. you are real.
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